Catch Me if You Can
by Makkoska
Summary: Kakuzu and Hidan need to change from their Akatsuki cloaks so they won't draw attention to themselves. When Hidan's choice of clothing doesn't meet Kakuzu's approval he does his best to get him out of it. Hidan resists. Warning: for sex between two men, language, some violence – in other words Kakuzu and Hidan having fun. Oneshot, with the possibility of a sequel later on.


**Warning**: for sex between two men, language, some violence – in other words Kakuzu and Hidan having fun

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing from the Naruto universe and making no money with this fic.

**A/N**: Unbetad. All mistakes are mine – feel free to point them out. Reviews, constructive criticism are welcomed and cherished.

o-o-o-o-o

"We need to keep a low profile," Kakuzu told him. "So get out of your cloak and try to act normal."

"What the fuck do you mean – normal? I always act _normal_," Hidan replied aggravated, even as he shrugged out of his Akatsuki uniform.

"Stop swearing constantly for one. Don't pray to Jashin publicly…"

"Hey…"

"Don't sacrifice people to Jashin publicly…"

"I'm not stupid, you old fuck…"

"Don't even mention your made-up god to anyone…"

"Now listen you heathen bastard…"

"Put on a shirt…"

"I don't have one!"

"Do something to your hair, so people won't assume you are the local brother-keeper, stay silent, do what I tell you to do…"

"Your definition of 'normal' is just crap."

"Listen, you little shit. We need to go unnoticed as much as we can until we meet our contact. It's a small town with a moderate amount of travellers going through it, so we can't just waltz in there with you shirtless and spurting your usual profanities and religious nonsense."

"Say Kakuzu, have you looked into a mirror recently? I could probably hop around on one leg, naked and covered in blood and people would still stare at you first. With that mask and cloak and radiating your sunny personality…"

"Obviously," Kakuzu said slowly, as if Hidan was an imbecile, "I'll change from my usual garb as well."

"Oho, so you will be without a mask and cloak? Yeah, sure, nobody will pay you any notice like _that_. You'd better just disguise yourself with a jutsu."

"No. Any trained shinobi can pick up the chakra of the disguise, so we would be more suspicious than just simply dressed differently."

"I think that is a fucked-up plan, but you are the mastermind."

o-o-o-o-o

"That won't do. You can't walk around wearing _that_."

"What? Why the fuck not?" Hidan slowly turned around, checking himself in the cracked mirror on the wall.

"Too… flashy."

"You think I should button it up more?"

"I can see your navel like this. But not just that – the style… the colour."

Hidan turned back to his image once more. He was wearing snug, black trousers and a deep red silk shirt. He thought he looked smashing. He was glad to be out of the terrible Akatsuki cloak for a while. He wanted to make the best of it.

"These are Jashin's colours," he declared. "Black for death and red for the spilled blood. I'm going like this."

"No you won't. Take that ruddy shirt _off_." Kakuzu reached out as if to rip off the offending garment. Hidan jumped back just in time.

"Hey, keep your dirty hands to yourself you bastard. You are just jealous that I look so much better than you!"

In all honestly, he thought Kakuzu quite striking in the short black leather jacket he changed into, but he wasn't about to tell him that.

"Don't be an idiot, and do what I tell you, you little fucker!"

"In your dreams, asshole," Hidan laughed and ducked just in time as Kakuzu leaped at him.

"You are really obsessed with getting me out of this shirt aren't you? Just admit that you find me too hot."

"I found you too moronic! Take. It. Off!"

"You know what Kakuzu? If you manage to get it off from me by sunset you will get to tell me what to wear. But if you don't – I will make you buy new clothes – expensive clothes - and _you_ will wear those."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed as he contemplated the challenge. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes that sent a shiver of anticipation down Hidan's spine.

"All right," he nodded slowly. "but you will regret not doing it in the easy way."

Hidan grinned in delight. In the next second he grabbed his scythe and thrown himself out on the closed window.

He landed like a big cat, on all fours amidst broken glass. Luckily the room they rented was only at the second floor, but his sudden drop still caused quite a fright for the town's passer-by. He had no time to waste though –he already heard a soft thump that meant Kakuzu followed suit. Obviously he wouldn't be stopping to pay for the damage.

Hidan made a dash for it, swinging his scythe to anyone who didn't look quick enough to get out of his way. There was about an hour left till sunset, so he needed to get as far away from his partner as possible.

o-o-o-o-o

He tried not to pant too loudly as he leaned against the trunk of a large tree. They had entered a forest and Hidan managed to disappear from his partner, at least he hoped so.

His shirt was still on, but there was a large tear on its left sleeve, proof that Kakuzu almost managed to catch him once. Several smaller holes, dirt and blood decorated it at other places, consequences of their mad race. Still it was worth it. Hidan grinned, barely restraining a chuckle. In ten minutes or so he would win. He couldn't wait to see the look on the old miser's face.

A small noise from the undergrowth – not louder than a mouse scurrying by – alerted him and he was off in that instant. A thick, grey thread shot out of the bushes, missing his neck just by an inch.

"Damn it, I shouldn't have stopped to rest," Hidan thought, while another thread wove itself to the tear on his sleeve and _yanked_. Almost the complete left side of the once so fine red shirt got torn off.

"Rot in hell, Kakuzu," Hidan screamed. "But it is still _on_! You. Will. Loose."

"No, I won't," his partner growled from behind, where Hidan didn't expect him to be. In the next instant the other man's muscled bulk tackled him to the ground.

Hidan kicked and bit and shrieked profanities, but when it came to sheer physical force, he was no match for the older ninja. Kakuzu forced him on his back, straddled him, grabbed the remaining of his shirt and ripped it off.

Immobilized and panting like a racehorse, Hidan could do nothing more than to stare at the red rag that remained of the shirt as Kakuzu unceremoniously tossed it to the bushes.

"Ah, fuck you, you bloody pagan bitch," he whined "I almost made it."

Kakuzu leaned in close, putting more of his weight on Hidan. His strange eyes were alive with glee, and the zealot could tell that he was grinning under his mark. Even though he was busy sulking, Hidan breath caught at the rare sight. His partner was sitting just above his groin, and the psychical closeness was starting to affect Hidan. "Jashin damn me," he cursed inwardly, "this is not the place or time for this." He just lost the challenge, he didn't want to give any more reason for Kakuzu to look so smug.

"You stood no chance at all, Hidan," he masked Akatsuki smirked down at him. He wasn't even breathing hard, like their little race didn't cost him anything.

"Get your heavy ass off me," the younger man growled, trying to shrug the other off. "You are crushing me."

"Ah, but why should I," Kakuzu questioned, smoothing a hand down from Hidan's neck to his taut stomach, "when I got you where I want you to be." The Jashinist's breath hitched at the touch and playful tone, something he never heard from Kakuzu before. It was almost completely dark now in the forest, but he could still see the vivid green eyes drilling into him. Kakuzu's calloused hands were running lower and lower on his body. Hidan fidgeted uncomfortably as his cock hardened in his pants.

"Kakuzu," he warned "let me go."

The Takigakure ninja raised his eyebrows and sat back on his heels. Unfortunately this brought his ass in line with Hidan's stiffened prick. The zealot couldn't help but thrust his hips up at the contact.

"It doesn't look like you want to get away from me," the miser said smugly and pressed down on the zealot's erection. Hidan threw his head back and moaned loudly.

Kakuzu chuckled and shifted lower on Hidan's thighs. He gave a whine of protest at the loss of contact – quickly clapping his mouth shut on the undignified sound – and glared up at his companion.

"Don't flatter yourself you heathen prick. It's just the rush of adrenalin, not you."

"Oh is it," the other man said mockingly "in that case I'll leave you alone to deal with it."

Hidan's hand – seemingly of its own accord – grabbed Kakuzu and pulled him back as he started to get up. "Jashin damn him," Hidan cursed inwardly. They both knew what he wanted, but it pissed him off that Kakuzu was so sure of himself, and so ready to assume he had the upper hand in this situation.

"Why," he mused, "can he have such an effect on me?" They had fucked a few times before, always after some challenging fight, or a heated argument when their blood still boiled. Kakuzu always took the dominant role, as if it was natural, and infuriatingly enough Hidan always let him.

It frustrated the hell out of the priest. How was he doing it? He had only ever submitted to Jashin-sama in his whole life. Why was he so ready to spread his legs to Kakuzu, even though he swore to turn the table after every act?

Kakuzu was pulling down his mask, to kiss him or bite him, and Hidan, his temper flaring up, punched him in the face. Making the best of his surprise attack, he tried to roll on top.

The other ninja wasn't going down easily of course, so soon enough they were wrestling on the hard ground, Hidan screaming curses from the top of his lungs and Kakuzu snarling threats. Somewhere in the process the zealot lost his boots and pants, while his partner's jacket, mask and hood also got scattered on the ground.

Hidan was doing his best to tear down the shirt from the other's broad chest and to leave some claw marks on it, when Kakuzu obviously had enough. Dark grey threads flown out from under the stiches on his arms, effectively tying Hidan's hands together and up above his head.

"That's cheating you bastard!" the zealot yelled.

"Shut up already," Kakuzu growled in a low voice that sent shivers down Hidan's spine and kissed him. For a long moment Hidan allowed him, before biting down viciously, hard enough to taste blood. Kakuzu growled into his mouth and his hips jerked against the slighter man's thigh. Ignoring his protesting whine he grabbed Hidan' hair, forcing his head back and sank his own teeth into the sensitive skin above his collarbone.

Hidan's erection, which never wilted during their struggle, gave a little jump. When Kakuzu started to suck and nibble on his neck he almost came.

"Screw it all," he thought dazedly "I'll let him do this one last time, but that's really the last…"

Kakuzu, the smug bastard, laughed against his neck when he opened his legs and wrapped them around his waist. His still cloth covered cock pushed against Hidan's ass.

"Get on with it, bitch," the zealot moaned.

"I'm not the bitch here, Hidan," the miser whispered into his ear, and Hidan couldn't suppress a shiver. Bloody old bastard, knew too well how to push his buttons.

Hidan could hardly see a thing by then, but from the other's movements he could tell that Kakuzu was opening his pants and slickening his prick with split and pre-cum. He was glad for the darkness that has fallen around them. At least this way the other couldn't see the wanton expression that was surely on this face.

Kakuzu hoisted his ass higher, and then was pushing slowly into him, stretching, tearing. It hurt like hell, as it always did, and for a moment Hidan didn't know if he wanted to get away or closer, to get more of this wonderful, terrible, burning pain.

Good thing he wasn't given a choice, Kakuzu's hands and threads holding him down. When he was halfway in Kakuzu pulled out until only the very tip of his cock remained in Hidan's pucker, then slammed back in one forceful motion.

Hidan threw his head back and _screamed_.

"Shut…up…" Kakuzu panted as he started to rock into his body, entry now eased with blood. "You're making… too much noise."

"Fuck you, you asshole," Hidan spat, even as his hips rose up to meet the vigorous thrusts, "you are tearing me apart."

Kakuzu just grunted without any sympathy and gave a particularly brutal push. The bastard was probably enjoying his yells of pain and pleasure, but Hidan was past dignity at this point and didn't even try to hold them back.

In no time he was close to coming and tugged urgently on the threads holding his hands above his head, but they didn't loosen the slightest.

"Kakuzu, you sadistic bastard," Hidan whined "come on, touch me already."

Surprisingly enough, he did, wrapping strong fingers around Hidan's shaft and tugging it roughly. The younger man screamed "more" and "harder", beyond caring, and Kakuzu gave it to him.

"That's it you slut," he panted in Hidan's ear "beg for it… take it…"

And Hidan did, arching his back, clenching around the cock in his ass and coming so hard he saw stars.

A few more forceful thrusts and Kakuzu followed suit, growling obscenities and Hidan's name as he spilled his release before collapsing on the younger man. Slowly, as in an afterthought, he withdrew his threads that bound together the zealot's hands.

Trying to regain his breath, Hidan prodded on Kakuzu's shoulder until he rolled off from him. Hidan pushed himself up on his elbow and looked down to him with a sour expression.

"Why is it that you always win?"

"Because I'm so much better than you," he replied evenly.

"You son-of-a-bitch," Hidan swatted him, but it was lacking conviction. "Next time I will be the one fucking you."

"You are welcome to try," Kakuzu snorted as he stood up to find his clothing in the dark.

"I take that as a challenge," Hidan shouted after him.

o-o-o-o-o

Next morning found the Akatsuki pair on the road. Both of them looked like they had a rough tumble in the dark – no surprise there. Hidan wore his rather battled trousers and Kakuzu's jacket. He was pleased that what remained of his partner's clothing wasn't in any better state than his.

"Do you think we will go unnoticed like this, Kakuzu?"

"Obviously not. We will need to get new clothes before we go into the town."

"You know, you shouldn't have torn that shirt to pieces. It cost a fortune."

"Serves you well, spending on such a hideous thing."

"Oh come on you prick, I know you loved it. Besides who said I spent my own money? You know I never have any."

"Then whose…" Kakuzu stopped dead in the middle of the road, his hand going to the "secret" pocket on his trousers.

Hidan looked back over his shoulders and watched with great satisfaction the horror stricken expression on Kakuzu's face as his suspicion was confirmed.

"I'll kill you for this, you bloody little thief," he shouted and lunged at Hidan. Laughing like a maniac, Hidan blocked the first blow with his scythe then turned tail and run.

He was quite sure Kakuzu will manage to catch up with him this time as well, but he didn't mind it that much. Truth to be told – he was rather looking forward to it.

**FIN**


End file.
